


Soulmates

by ellebeedarling



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: First Time, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Mild Angst, Sexual Content, leather and lace event 2018, silliness, soulmates trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 06:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13735377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebeedarling/pseuds/ellebeedarling
Summary: John has imagined meeting his soulmate almost his entire life, but the reality of Zaeed Massani is like nothing he could have dreamed.





	Soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> Silly and sweet fluff piece written for the Leather & Lace 2018 event on Tumblr.

Around the time Shepard hit puberty, he started realizing that boys and girls were different. The more he thought about it, he realized that those differences weren’t all that appealing to him. He much preferred the male gender, which he was more familiar with.  

 

This was also about the same time that he started thinking about who his soulmate would be. He knew from friends and family that the name would appear on his body sometime in the year after his eighteenth birthday, but found himself itching to know who it would be. 

 

He wanted to know everything about the person, though at that point he didn’t even have a name to go with the face he’d conjured in his mind. What would he look like? What would his interests be? Would it even be a  _ he _ ? (God, please let it be a  _ he! _ ) 

 

Some lucky souls he’d known had already been friends with their soulmates when the names appeared, and it was an easy transition from friendship to lovers. Shepard was jealous of those types of relationships because he’d known people who had struggled to come to terms with the name they’d been given. In a few, rare cases, the soulmates never bonded or connected in any way - their sad stories plastered all over the news in order to shock and scare people - and were then condemned to either sharing a life with a person they couldn’t stand or staying single and mostly celibate for the remainder of their days. 

 

It was not a destiny he wished for himself. 

 

A month after his eighteenth birthday, he woke up to the inside of his left forearm burning like fire. Sitting up in his bunk at boot camp, he stared in wonder at the glowing name on his arm: 

 

_ Zaeed Massani. _

 

It was such an unusual name that he was sure he’d remember if he’d ever met the man. The fact that he hadn’t was a mild disappointment, but the relief he felt at knowing his soulmate’s name - the love of his life - trumped any negative feelings he may have had on the subject. 

 

For the next two weeks, he wandered around on cloud nine, imagining all sorts of things about this Zaeed Massani. In John’s mind, he was ruggedly handsome, funny, smart, kind. He was maybe a little bookish with a quiet, introspective nature, but still outgoing enough to be fun. He wondered about Zaeed’s favorite food, his musical tastes, what his favorite color was. 

 

By the time he became the captain of the  _ Normandy  _ eleven years later, he’d all but given up on meeting Zaeed, and he’d laid all those silly, childish fantasies to rest. The older he grew the less likely it became that he’d ever meet his soulmate - this was a statistical fact, another thing the news outlets loved to postulate over. Sometimes one soulmate died before they ever met. Those cases turned out similar to the ones where soulmates never bonded. It seemed a sad and dreary existence, but one that Shepard had mostly resigned himself to. 

 

There had been a brief flicker of hope when he’d met Admiral Hackett. The man had done a double take at the glowing red name on Shepard’s arm. Some mixture of confusion and amusement had flashed across the Admiral’s face before he’d schooled it. Shepard had dared to ask Hackett if he knew Zaeed Massani, to which he’d responded, “Unfortunately,” and just like that, his hope had been dashed. 

 

After that, he’d taken to wearing long-sleeved shirts most of the time, to hide the name. The old adage ‘out of sight, out of mind’ worked well for him. In time, he forgot all about Zaeed Massani, figuring the man must have died or one of the other fluke things that could happen. 

 

Despite the fact that a soulmate implied that they were destined to be together, Shepard had discovered that his life was atypical in many ways. Trouble seemed to be a way of life for him, his chosen profession notwithstanding. Every few years or so, he found himself smack in the middle of some catastrophe or another - Mindoir, Akuze, Eden Prime just to name a few. 

 

And then Alchera happened. 

 

As the air slowly leaked out of his hardsuit and his mind and body began to accept his imminent death, his last thoughts were of Zaeed and the kind of life they might have shared if they’d ever been given the chance. 

 

**

 

People weren’t supposed to come back from the dead, and the aches and scars of his new titanium and synth-protein body were poignant reminders of that fact. That the name Zaeed Massani was still blazoned onto his forearm after having spent two years dead struck Shepard as a bit hysterical, in a bizarre, morbid sort of way. 

 

Then the Illusive Man forwarded him Massani’s dossier, and the world spiraled out of control for a bit. He stared at the name for a good half hour before finally pressing the button to open the file with a trembling finger. His palms were sweaty, mouth dry, and he tried licking his lips to moisten them, but it was to no avail. 

 

Drawing a steadying breath, he began to read the words on the datapad in his hand, brow wrinkling in consternation as he did so. 

 

_ Zaeed Massani _ __   
__   
_ \- Expert in both personal and small unit combat _ __   
_ \- Unparalleled mercenary soldier and bounty hunter _ __   
_ \- Known for a willingness to get the job done, no matter the cost _ __   
_   
_ __ Zaeed Massani is, without a doubt, the most feared mercenary and bounty hunter in the galaxy. His services have been retained by Cerberus at extremely high cost. He is currently awaiting pickup on Omega.

 

A mercenary? Bounty hunter? His soulmate was a fucking  _ bounty hunter _ ? The most feared one in the galaxy at that?

 

Over the years of his career, Shepard had wiped out more nests of low-life mercenaries than he could count. They were the leeches of the military world, making their way through life by stepping on the backs of the very people Shepard had sworn an oath to protect. 

 

Shepard’s heart sank down into his boots as he sat back on the couch in his swanky quarters. (He really hated that stark reminder that he was no longer an Alliance soldier.) Unrivaled disappointment began to swell in his chest, before the dawning realization began to settle in. This was about par for his fucking life. 

 

Since he was nothing more than a child, he’d dreamed of this day. For more than thirteen years he’d longed to meet the man whose name was carved into his skin, and now that he knew where to find him, he no longer had the desire to. Nothing good could come from this, and while he’d always expected that there was some glitch with regards to his soulmate, he now had absolute confirmation. 

 

He was officially one of those poor sods whose soulmate didn’t work out for one reason or another, because he was morally opposed to mercenary work. The only mercenary he’d ever met in his life whom he respected was Wrex, and he sure as shit wasn’t keen on marrying the krogan. 

 

Sighing, he scrubbed a hand down his face, and made his way to his shower.  _ Normandy _ was already en route to Omega to recruit the mad scientist and the turian vigilante. In less than six hours, Shepard would be face to face with his soulmate, and he’d never dreaded anything more in his life. 

 

**

 

At least Zaeed wasn’t ugly. If there was a bright spot to this whole ‘my soulmate is a bounty hunter and a terror among the stars’  _ thing _ , that was it. There were some pretty nasty looking scars on the right side of his face, but they only lent themselves to that ruggedly handsome image he’d conjured as a teen and long since abandoned. And there was something a tiny bit mesmerizing about those soulful eyes of his. 

 

He was also quite a bit older than Shepard was expecting. 

 

Shepard tried to act nonchalant about the whole thing, strutting over to the man with all the swagger he possessed. But when their eyes locked, he had to swallow around the sudden brick that formed. Miranda smirked at him, causing his cheeks to flush. Jacob stood behind him, apparently oblivious. 

 

“Shepard,” Massani drawled, and John popped a boner right then and there. Okay, so maybe Zaeed did live up to that teenage fantasy in the looks department. And maybe he did have a voice to absolutely  _ die _ for, but that didn’t mean that Shepard could just overlook the man’s chosen profession. Morally, they were polar opposites, and he couldn’t just put aside his sense of justice even if the man  _ was _ his goddamn soulmate. 

 

“Massani,” Shepard returned as evenly as he could, holding the merc’s eyes with his own. He’d been trained by the best of the best not to give anything away in his expression, and he was damned good at it. 

 

“Seems like you and me have a lot to talk about.” 

 

“We do,” Shepard conceded. “Meet me aboard the  _ Normandy _ in three hours. I’ll make sure you’re cleared to board.” 

 

He was stalling for time, and judging by the smug look on Massani’s face, the merc knew it. Still, he wasn’t ready to face this, to accept the fact that his soulmate was a bounty hunter with a reputation for being ruthless. 

 

“I need a drink,” he muttered to no one in particular once Massani had disappeared into the crowd. A marker for Afterlife popped up on his omni-tool, courtesy of EDI, and he made a beeline for the bar, ordering a glass of uncut batarian ale and downing it in quick succession. 

 

**

 

Exactly three hours later, Shepard stood in the center of his cabin, listening to the door chime. His hands were clammy and trembling, and he couldn’t make his feet move to open the door and let Massani in. He’d never been one to whine and pout about how unfair life could be, but having Zaeed Massani - the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy - as his soulmate seemed a cruel twist of fate, even by the standards of his harrowing life. 

 

“Commander,” EDI’s toneless voice chimed. “Mr. Massani is requesting admittance into your quarters. Shall I let him in?” 

 

Shepard nodded slowly, swallowing back the bile rising in his throat. The luster had definitely worn off of this moment that he’d looked forward to almost his whole life. When he was younger, he’d entertained fantasies of spying his soulmate across a crowded room and knowing with just a glance that this was the person he was supposed to be with for all eternity, or at least for the rest of his life. He’d imagined all sorts of outlandish things that had never seemed more ridiculous now that he was staring reality right in the eye. 

 

Despite the subtle warnings that life had tried to toss his way, he’d still held onto some vain hope that meeting his soulmate would involve a certain amount of supernatural wonder. Meeting Zaeed Massani was - to John’s pitiable sense of romance - tantamount to a cosmic slap in the face. His options were few and distasteful; however, the prospect of continuing down the lonely path life had taken him thus far was the most unappealing thought of all. The least he could do was  _ try - _ to meet with Massani and hope that the spark of attraction, of love, would develop over time. 

 

“You look like a cadet awaiting inspection,” was the first thing Zaeed said when he entered the room. 

 

Shepard was standing at the foot of the steps, ramrod straight, hands clasped behind his back. It was habit, and old habits were hard to kill. He relaxed a fraction as he took in Massani’s appearance. He’d showered away the stench of Omega and even shaved his face. He wore a pair of dark jeans with a soft, gray pullover, sleeves pushed to the elbow. A hint of spicy aftershave hit John’s nose, making him weak in the knees. 

 

Zaeed held out a bottle of whiskey, but Shepard ignored it. His attention was instead drawn to the blaze of scrawling script on the man’s inner left arm:  _ John Shepard. _

 

He blinked and swallowed the sudden thickness in his throat. He noted the tremor in his hand as he reached for Zaeed’s arm. His fingers brushed gently over his own name, and Massani seemed more amused than anything when the letters flared brightly. The letters on Shepard’s arm responded to the touch in much the same way. 

 

“Well, I guess that settles it,” Zaeed said, pulling his arm out of Shepard’s reach and taking a seat on the couch. 

 

Shepard shot him a quick glare then sighed, taking up a spot on the opposite end of the sofa, as far from Zaeed as he could possibly be. That earned him a chuckle from the merc. 

 

“Guess my big, bad, scary merc reputation precedes me once again,” Zaeed said, reaching for one of the wine glasses on the coffee table and sloshing some of the amber liquid into it. He briefly wrinkled his nose at Shepard’s choice of glassware before passing it to John. 

 

“I, uh… I didn’t… those were here when I got here,” Shepard stammered out before taking a big gulp of the whiskey. 

 

Zaeed grunted and poured himself a larger portion, then knocked back half of it one go. He glanced around the room appreciatively before finishing off the rest of the drink and refilling his glass. Leaning back into the comfort of the sofa, he stretched one arm across the back of it before propping an ankle on his knee. 

 

Shepard stared into his glass, his mind reeling and swirling with all sorts of thoughts and questions. He couldn’t seem to grasp hold of any one thought that would be good for opening a conversation, though. He took a tiny sip of the whiskey before abandoning it on the table. Part of him wanted desperately to chug the entire thing, but he thought he should be sober for this encounter. 

 

Rubbing the palms of his hands against his thighs to dry them, he finally sat up and met the merc’s steady gaze. “So,” he began. 

 

“You seem nervous, Shepard,” Zaeed said with a grin. 

 

“You’re not?” 

 

Zaeed pursed his lips and nodded. “It’s a big fucking deal, right? Not every day a man meets his soulmate.” 

 

Shepard swallowed and nodded again. “Yeah, I… uh.”

 

“I’m not exactly what you were expecting?”

 

He’d always thought that honesty was the best policy, but didn’t want to hurt the man’s feelings. Then again, if they were to spend their lives together, shouldn’t they be forthright with one another? “Not exactly,” he finally confessed. 

 

“Well, neither are you,” Zaeed said. “Been following your career for years now. I expected more ‘badass soldier’ and less ‘skittish girl’ out of you.” 

 

Shepard frowned. “Well, thanks for that.” He picked up his abandoned whiskey and took a generous swallow. Choosing not to further acknowledge Zaeed’s jab, he asked the question that was now burning in his mind. “If you’ve known who I was all this time, why have you never contacted me?”

 

Zaeed gave a half-hearted shrug. “I was plenty happy on my own. Figured if it was meant to be, as the mark suggests, we’d run into each other sooner or later.” 

 

With another frown, Shepard polished off the rest of his drink, then stood to pace. He was keenly aware of Zaeed’s mismatched gaze tracking his every move, reminiscent of a varren stalking a pyjak. All the questions he’d been dying to ask Zaeed fled his brain now that he finally had the chance to talk to the man. The few he could remember were likely to only get himself laughed at. Sighing, he turned to face Zaeed head on, feeling some small relief when Zaeed smiled at him. 

 

He’d already made up his mind that he wanted to at least give this thing with Massani a shot. Now, he needed to  _ open _ his mind to see past the glaring differences in their personalities. Drawing a deep breath, he said, “So tell me about you.” 

 

They talked for hours, finishing off the bottle of whiskey. By the end of the evening, Shepard was on the south side of tipsy, teetering into messy drunk territory. Zaeed seemed to be in the same predicament, however. They’d spilled the beans to each other about their lives leading up to this point, and Shepard couldn’t recall ever having laughed so much in his life. 

 

**

 

Zaeed was willing to take things slow, a fact which surprised the hell out of Shepard. He had him pegged for the leap-without-looking type. Many nights were spent in the captain’s quarters just talking and getting to know one another before Zaeed finally kissed him goodnight. Shepard was just about floored, grinning like an idiot as Massani smirked and walked through the door with a promise to be back the next night. 

 

On Zorya, things took an unexpected turn. All Shepard’s hangups and reservations about the merc rose instantly to the surface as he watched Zaeed set fire to the refinery, showing no mercy or pity for the trapped workers. It stuck in his craw, making him rethink everything he’d come to know about the man in the past few weeks. 

 

Zaeed didn’t come up to his cabin that night, or the next, or the next. The pair of them crept around the ship, attempting to avoid each other. Shepard kept his arms covered by his sleeves so that he didn’t have to look at the name that mocked him from his own skin. He didn’t want to admit how much this felt like a betrayal, nor did he want to concede the point that he was beginning to fall in love with the man. 

 

Zaeed was nothing like the fantasy that Shepard had created in his mind all those years ago, but he found that the reality of Zaeed was so much more appealing. Shepard had come to enjoy the time they spent together as the highlight of his day. Zaeed was funny and smart, kind in his own gruff way. He may not fit the conventional definition of  _ nice _ , but Shepard could tell he cared and felt deeply about certain things. He was rough around the edges and a bit crass at times, but that had become just another quality that endeared him to Shepard’s heart. 

 

The blunt and painful truth of the matter was that Shepard was lonely without having Zaeed as a permanent and stable fixture in his life. Three days without being able to talk the day’s events over with Zaeed as they shared a nightcap in his room had left Shepard heartsick. He may not agree with all of Zaeed’s actions and motivations, but their hearts were designed for each other. Somehow, he’d just have to find a way to move past it. 

 

Tired of being alone and pining in his quarters, he made his way to the elevator, drawing up short when the doors opened to reveal Zaeed standing there looking just as lost as John felt. Without thinking, Shepard stepped forward and wrapped the man in his arms. 

 

“I’m sorry,” they muttered in unison. 

 

“You were right, Shepard.” Zaeed bunched the younger man’s shirt in his fists as he held on tight. “On Zorya… I let my anger and bitterness get in the way of my better judgment.” 

 

Shepard sagged with relief in Zaeed’s arms. The gnawing ache that had been festering for the past few days began to subside, and the longer Zaeed held him, the more connected he felt to the man. 

 

In his youth, he’d heard from other happy couples that once the bond was complete, neither soulmate could stand being separated from the other. He distantly wondered if that had happened with the two of them. There was a warm glow deep within his soul that he’d never felt before, and instinctively he knew that it had to do with Zaeed. 

 

When EDI alerted them to the fact that they were holding up the elevator, they relinquished each other and stepped back into Shepard’s cabin. 

 

**

 

Shepard had already died once. The prospect of doing it again shouldn’t have been so damned nerve wracking. It was though, and there didn’t appear to be anything he could do about it. 

 

When he’d returned from the dead the first time, the idea of a suicide mission had been somewhat appealing. His life prior to Alchera had been a rather dismal affair, but things looked so much different now. 

 

He tried not to dwell on the ‘what ifs’ and the things that could, and probably would, go wrong as they passed through the Omega-4 relay. To keep his mind off of it, he huddled at the desk in his office, passing the time by answering emails and poring over the data they’d managed to gather about the relay for the thousandth time. 

 

He wasn’t even surprised when the door to his cabin slid open a few hours before they hit the relay. One thing he’d never known about soulmate bonds was how in-tune the partners became to one another. He could practically feel Zaeed’s presence whenever they were in fairly close proximity. It had come in pretty handy on the battlefield more than once. 

 

In all the time they’d spent together, they had yet to consummate the relationship. Zaeed was perfectly willing to take things at John’s pace, waiting for him to feel more comfortable with the way things were developing between them. Shepard appreciated that more than Zaeed could know, but if this was their last night together, then Shepard wanted everything Zaeed had to give him and more. 

 

Rising from his chair, he met Zaeed at the door and gently removed the bottle of whiskey from the man’s hand. The drink was abandoned on the desk, and Shepard pulled his soulmate into his arms, holding him close and breathing him in. The simple act grounded him in a way nothing else ever had. He wondered briefly how he’d ever lived without this before. 

 

Lifting his head from Zaeed’s shoulder, John held the man’s gaze with his own. This could be their final moments, and he didn’t mean to waste a minute of it. He’d intended for their first time together to be slow, a learning experience for both of them, but Zaeed dominated the kiss from the moment their lips met, drawing John closer to his body as though they could be merged into one being. 

 

Their move toward the bed was awkward and a bit stilted as they struggled to undo the clasps and buttons of the other’s clothing. Laughter filled the room as they gave up the fight and found themselves back in one another’s arms. Shepard was content to stay as they were for awhile. There was comfort to be had just resting in Zaeed’s arms, feeling the merc’s hard body against his own, breathing in his spicy scent. 

 

Zaeed was the first to move things along, laying a line of kisses along Shepard’s stubbled jaw. John tilted his head to the side to give his soon-to-be lover a better angle, and Zaeed didn’t waste the opportunity John had presented him with. Slowly, their garments fell away, piled in the floor at the foot of the bed to be sorted through later. 

 

Zaeed’s touch was rough yet gentle, battle-worn fingers moving tenderly over his skin, the contrast a perfect summary of the man himself. Shepard spread himself over the covers, reaching for his soulmate and drawing him close. Calloused fingertips traced the outline of muscles along his torso, and Shepard mirrored Zaeed’s actions, unable to get enough of the feel of smooth skin under his fingers. 

 

Their kisses were sensual and hungry, fed by the desperation they both felt. Instinctively, they knew that every battle could be their last, but there was a bit more fear, a bit more urgency, chasing them into this particular battle. John’s notions about who Zaeed would turn out to be were so far off the mark as to be quite comical, but he now knew that his paltry imaginings were less than nothing compared to the real thing. 

 

“Tell me what you want,” Zaeed whispered as his lips claimed Shepard’s again. 

 

“Let me be inside you,” John pleaded, groaning when his lover gave an affirming smile along with his nod. There was a bit more bumbling before they managed to make it all work, but the laughter and smiles and groans of frustration as well as pleasure made it that much more memorable. 

 

As soon as he was seated deep inside his soulmate’s body, both their hearts beating erratically, the words inscribed on their arms began to burn and flare. Instead of pain, they felt only relief, an abiding sense of peace that they knew they’d only ever feel in this situation. When they were joined - body, mind, soul. 

 

“I love you,” John whispered as he rolled his hips forward. 

 

“Love you too,” Zaeed confessed, grinning at the shy blush that crept over John’s cheeks. “You’re too fucking adorable.” 

 

Shepard rolled his eyes and frowned. “Is this really the best time for jokes?”

 

“I’m not bloody joking! You are.” 

 

John made a disgruntled noise that lost its bite as it broke off into a low moan. “You feel so good,” he managed through harsh breaths as he pumped in and out of his lover.

 

Zaeed’s eyes rolled back in his head as the sensations washed over him and he grunted his agreement. As they neared their climax, the letters in their skin burned hotter and brighter, enveloping them, cocooning them in a beatific glow. John could feel his heart reaching for Zaeed’s in a tangible way, cementing their bond, joining them through life and death and all the ages to come. The overwhelming emotions shuddered through both their bodies, and they came together, clinging desperately to one another. 

 

“I didn’t believe it,” Zaeed breathed as they settled and cooled. 

 

John lifted his head to give his lover a quizzical look. “Didn’t believe what?” 

 

“The stories. About how powerful the bond is, how… Damn, Shepard, that was just about the most amazing experience of my life.” 

 

Shepard smiled and caressed the scars on Zaeed’s cheek reverently. “Mine, too,” he murmured before kissing the man beneath him. 

 

Hours later they stood, side by side, ready to face whatever awaited them once they passed through the Omega-4 relay. The smile that Zaeed gave him bolstered Shepard more than any military pep-talk ever could. Later still, the battle won, the galaxy saved for the moment, they hid themselves away in the privacy of the cabin they’d come to think of as theirs. John confessed his childhood fantasies, blushing crimson as Zaeed laughed. 

 

“Sorry to disappoint,” Zaeed told him at last. 

 

John just smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re so much more than any old fantasy.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my wonderful beta [sparkly_butthole](http://mshenkoaddiction.tumblr.com)! You're amazing babe! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://ellebeedarling.tumblr.com)
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


End file.
